Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
