The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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