there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
