apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
