I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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