if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
