I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
