you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
