i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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