Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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