I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
