I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
