It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
