pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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