I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
