I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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