My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
