He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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