you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What a dumb baby whore.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
