guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
