weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
