I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
