things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
