i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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