foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
