I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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