thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
