Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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