So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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