He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
