haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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