Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize