There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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