He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
