HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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