In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
