I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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