Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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