You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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