why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
