You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Congratulations! We have a period
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize