I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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