i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
