She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
