I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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