the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
