PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
