I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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