i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
