so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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