You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
