"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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