im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
