corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
