summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
