Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
