In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
