Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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