I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
