I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
