The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Your cock deserves a montage
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
