Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You can't special order awesome
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
