New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
