Nicole vs. Life
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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