The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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