Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hippo gnu deer
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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