The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want her autograph on my taint
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
